yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
