Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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