My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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