all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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