I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
