Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
