Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
