i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
