Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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