i just had sex bonerless
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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