how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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