maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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