3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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