I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
