So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
