Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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