I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He better not be in your backpack
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
