her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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