apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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