I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
