Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she peed on how many people?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
