Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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