dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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