my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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