I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
