I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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