But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
