Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are two peas in an std pod
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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