Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
