Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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