soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
