She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
