your parents love me but you hate me
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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