awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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