i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
