if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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