So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
