there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
