i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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