one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
