He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
