On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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