Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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