dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
