I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
