Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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