I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
