i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
