i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
