then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
