You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
