were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
whose parrot is this?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
