hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
