so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
two words...techno handjob
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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