is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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