wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
