had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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