Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
