Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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