How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
