don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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