thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
