He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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