her vagina looked like bernie madoff
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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