im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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