today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
