Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
