dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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