Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
