Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
